Baby??,.....

hmmmmmm,.

Once again Im writing an entry which is full of sadness and anger. I can't believe that I am unable to write things that are happy in my blog. Is it because I am never happy? or am I just unappreciative of the things that I am recieving?

Baby,..

Baby, is a word of endearment that is always used by couples today. To express their love? To show affection? or To make their someone feel good. What ever the case, Doesn't it feel good if someone you love calls you that? I dunno bout you guys but, when someone I love calls me that I feel happy.

But why can't you call me that? You might say that I am making such a FUSS about a small thing as this. but if it is really something small then why can't you just call me that? huh? you say you love me? but you can't call me something as trivial as that? SH!T,.

It is really low of me to ask you to call me the same nickname as your ex. And I feel like a loser when I think of the idea that everytime you call me that you would remember your ex. Don't you see it? I am very envious of your D@MN EX. I am envious that even if he is not caring, loving and does not give you his time you still loved hime that way. Even if you dont tell me, I know you are still very much in love with him. Why can't you love me? Am I asking for so much you can't give it? Don't I love you enough to actually have your love? huh??

I am madly in love with you. You have to thank that feeling of mine because without it I won't stay with you this long. But I have to tell you that I am nearing my limit. you wont know maybe tomorrow i wont be beside you.

Long Time!!!!,... Still, Problematic though

2dy,..

Huuurraahh!! today just got my MOBICOM course card and it was unbelievable. I got a 3.5!!! From the King of MOBIASS Himself. Wow that was really a big shock. I was only expecting a low 2.0 to be able to continue dreaming on for the DL. Now, I have a chance to get the 1st honor DL,. which is most probably already. Thank you LORD!!!!

After a little happiness, comes yet again problems. We fought again. for the Nth time already. I just cant tell whether I am the one at fault or her. She was supposed to come to my house 2m because im a little home alone because my sister and mom went to bagiuo for three days. as for my brother, his work shift is during the night so im alone for 2 nyts and 3 days,. freedom!! but im lonely and I cannot deny that I miss HER.

Right now, I feel as if we are in some kind of contest where the one who talks to the other loses the game. Im afraid that this would lead to something that I dont want but I hope not.:(

2m,..

my goal is to have as much fun as I can,. I mean how many chances do I get to be home alone ryt?? so 2m will be a ultimate gaming time for me!!! hahaha maybe 24 hours of pure gaming might help my heart hehehe:p

Think of happy thoughts,....

Recently,.

Life has been really hard on me. or am I just hard on myself?? maybe as some people say im just being too serious huh?? Shit!!!! If I just have a choice I would not want to be serious too. Being serious has its advantages and disadvantages. Being serious causes more pain but being not serious means you dont even care. Is that what you want me to do? not care about this thing at all?? It has been really hard for me to not talk to you last three days ago. Imagine, I have to spend my christmas season wondering how are you rather than just talking with you? Darn.... a while ago, I watched GTO to try and cheer myself up. but do you know what happened?? I cried and I cried my heart out. Crying made me feel a little better but for how long?? I wonder,. Oh, and guess what. after watching GTO I browsed some TV channels and watched something on HBO,. at first I dont have the idea what it is. but when I saw a boy flying I quickly realized that it is the movie a certain someone close to my heart really loves. yep you guessed it right the movie was peter pan. the recent version I think. Damn,. God sure is a very good commedian. After crying my heart out He quickly reminded me of the one im actually crying about. Shet!!!!! Is this a joke God wanted to give me as a gift on christmas?? Well,. it is actually late for christmas but that was one hell of a gift I might say.....

Goal,...

"Think of happy thoughts, and maybe fly to a place where I could be happy for the rest of my Damn life."

Cool Runnings,....

Today,.

I watched one of my most favorite movie. The title of the movie I watched is Cool Runnings. Well, maybe I like this movie because it appeals to my athlete self. I mean this movie is really really super encouraging for athletes and even normal people. I actually cried like a baby again when I finished watching this movie. which is really good since I wanted to cry. After watching the movie I felt myself again. I also watched the sib show again and this time I hope that my recorded file will not be corrupted anymore hehe,..:)

Lastnyt,..

I was able to talk to one of the girls who I really liked and love in the past. We were able to talk about lots of stuff and even our current problems. Then, we were able to talk about things that we normally did not talk about. It made me really happy lastnyt and today. We even made a promise to come to UST's paskuhan together next year,...

Resolution,...

Starting today, I would start being contented with having only myself. I would journey to find happiness for myself. It is not that I have already lost hope in my lovelife but I just want to be happy whatever the outcome maybe,. So that I will be ready for whatever myt happen. I promise to study harder next term and to function as I function in my early years. I also promise to take care of myself even more so that I would be as athletic as I am now forever(If I can).

Thought,....

" if you are not enough without her, you will never be enough with her,.."

Life,...

Hmmmm,. Christmas is almost here,. I am alarmed that until now I am still feeling down and don't even appreciate the Christmas break.,. maybe it is because of having thesis stuff to do over the break,. I just wish this season would make me feel my old self again,. No worries, No thinking about others, No regrets. But the days go by I dont feel any change at all,. are these things my fault? is it wrong for me to choose this path? Am I just making my life complicated rather than having an easier path? I just wish I can persuade myself to be happy even for a small period of time,...... and for my friends,. tulong naman guys, prang hindi ko na kaya ito,.

Love,..

Will Love ever become more clearer than usual? I mean most of us are having problems with our Love life because of several reasons. and also most of us are having problems without actually understanding why we have this problems. Weird nuh? also,. Frustrating,. Like for guys, We have the idea that we should be serious in relationships. but there are some girls who says that we are too serious. but if we are not serious they would say that we are just playing. Thats really frustrating!!! Actually, this is the 3rd time in my life that I am very much serious about relationships. Maybe in the back of my mind, I am wishing that I should have just remained the same highschool robert andrew. who does not take relationships seriously. who can come out of a relationship without being sad or bothered. I know I am a better person now because I am not like that anymore. but does a better person have to feel the pain to be labeled as a good person?

Christmas,...

To all my friends, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! hope you guys have a better Christmas than I do. Also, I would like to thank you all. This Christmas, I felt that there was actually many poeple who do appreciate me. Specially Green and White people,.. that Christmas party was one of the highlights of my Christmas this year. Having friends does really make people feel better.

Guys,...

For those who share my sorrow and grief this holiday season, I wish you guys will feel better eventually. and just a word of thought, Being pushed away is really painful but the more we fight it and the more we survive those pushing actions by girls that is the time we get to show how deep our feelings for the person we love. So my point is try to survive and continue what you are doing until you cant do it all. So that we would not have any regrets or "what ifs" in our lives.

Life,..
Shet!!!,. today, my finals is finally over!! yeah,. but I feel a little worried about the exam I took a while ago. It was for ANMATH2,. I was really really careless this time. I don't know why I wasn't able to solve those basic questions. I don't know what was on my mind. Maybe that is what happens when you don't sleep and don't study,. Shit!!! thank God I only need 14 percent in that exam to pass the course,. I just hope I do pass this course. This is already my second take and I don't want to retake this subject again!!!

Love,..
hmmmmmmmmmm,...........
I wish I could just go on with my life without thinking bout this. I promised myself not be this crazy about a girl years ago. but why is it happening now? I feel as if everyday I am afraid of losing her. The feeling inside me is like a bomb,. waiting for its time to explode. earlier, i tried to cry to make myself release all my bad feelings but yet again I can't,. I really wish this christmas I could get to cry one whole day that I may regain the things in my personality which I lost,...

Thoughts,..
I don't know what to do to cheer myself up. and I can't say that I'm not trying. I tried watching my favorite show a while ago but it didn't help. I tried to play my favorite ps2 games but it didn't also help. Shet!!!! what can i do to make myself happy even for a short time?? God,. is this Karma? shet,. if it is,. I can conclude that karma do exist and it comes to you quick that you don't even notice it. Now, I can only pray and listen to songs that well really make me feel allot sadder. I have been wishing this for a long time but God can't seem to hear me. God, can you take me already? I don't want to stay in this cruel world anymore.

This song is what I feel to be a good description of how I feel right now.

What Can I Do

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me..

Life,...
Tomorrow, ANMATH2 exam. I haven't started to study yet. I might start in a little while but I hope I can study many things to be able to pass the exam 2m,. I kind of disregarded my exam because I only need to get 16% tomorrow. but is this 16% achievable without studying much?? God I hope I can. Next term, I would get my act together and become my old self again the one who does not skip any class and always study for the exams and work for projects earlier. God give me strenght to be able to do this.

Love,...
Love? hmmmmm,. I feel happy and sad at the same time frequently these days,. Isn't it ironic? Well, there are things in life that seems weird but happens. You just cant have everything you want as people say. I don't know what to do. I always pray to God that I might do the things I want to do for this relationship so that I would not have any regrets but doing everything gives me pain that sometimes I feel I can't take anymore. But I just can't giveup now because I really love the person already. I am too attached to her now that I just can't giveup without even trying very hard. Lord, help me please,. even if it hurts me, I dont want it to end,..how ironic,..:(

Thought,...
one of my close friend told me this quote. and I hope I can apply it though. Maybe this will bring me happiness for myself.

Quotes,..
Give until it hurts you,
Give until it hurts you,
Give until it hurts you,
Give until it hurts you no more,.:(